Orlando's Counseling, Marriage & Family Therapy and Life Coach Professionals

• Because even though it’s over, I can’t stop thinking about him/her.
• Because I can’t take this much anxiety for one. more. day.
• Because no one really listens to me.
• Because our marriage is in trouble, and we can’t fix our problems by ourselves.
• Because I can’t do anything right.
• Because I keep dating the “wrong” person and getting my heart broken.
• Because everyone keeps telling me I should, and maybe they’re right.
• Because I keep sabotaging myself, just when things get good.
• Because nothing I’ve tried so far has worked.
• Because he/she asked for a divorce.
• Because the divorce is really starting to affect the kids.
• Because I am afraid that my child/teen is out of control.
• Because I’m tired of feeling alone.
• Because my family is sick of my complaining.
• Because if I don’t, I’m afraid of what I might do.
• Because there’s something I need to get off my chest, something I don’t dare tell anyone else.
• Because the last therapist I saw didn’t “get” me.
• Because I’m so afraid.
• Because I feel empty.
• Because I just want to be happy.
• Because he/she died and left me here.
• Because I drink too much when things get tough.
• Because I can’t ever forgive him/her for what he/she did.
• Because I just need to hear someone say, “I’m here for you, and I care.” And mean it.

Call us to set up an appointment, if you see yourself on this list. Our Mental Health Counselors and Life Coaches at Life Skills Resource Group in Orlando are here for you. We offer free phone consultations and flexible scheduling in a convenient location. 407-355-7378

Wish you could find the energy to do the things that used to make you happy? Feeling like life is passing you by while you struggle to keep your head above water? Can’t even remember what it was you really wanted to do with your life in the first place? At Life Skills Resource Group in Orlando we have the therapists and life coaches who can help you find your way back to being your true self. One way we can help you to do this is by helping you eliminate the things in your life that are holding you back and depleting your mental energy.

Identifying and removing obstacles from you life is an essential step in achieving goals. You may be so caught up in the little things that drain your energy that you don’t have the time to do what really matters to you. In her book, Take Time for Your Life, Cherly Richardson estimates that up to 75% of your mental energy is used up by the following types of distractions (this is an abbreviated list)…

Relationships:
• There are people in my life who continuously drain my energy.
• I have unreturned phone calls, e-mails, etc. that need to be handled.
• I have unresolved conflict with a family member.
• I feel a void in my life created by the lack of a romantic relationship.

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In her book, The Care and Feeding of Perfectionists, Cynthia Curnan, Ph. D. states, “Every variety of perfectionism represents an attempt to maintain control.” Dr. Curnan has come up with a list of nine distinct kinds of perfectionism, with the belief that we all exhibit at lease three of these from time to time, with one type predominating. I am certain that you will see yourself somewhere in her list:

1. Arrogance: The Fear of Being Vulnerable (shows no weakness-not even to self); thought…“I’m better, stronger, wiser, tougher, and smarter.”

2. Self-Deprecation: The Fear of Being Inferior (disregards and underestimates self); thought…“You’re probably right. I’m probably wrong.”

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Rule 1: Keep it private (no fighting in front of others).

Rule 2: Schedule your arguments (ask for a time and place to discuss your differences).

Rule 3: Stay on topic (don’t let the discussion turn into a dumping session).

Rule 4: Allow Time Outs (when it gets intense or overwhelming).

Rule 5: Limit the Topic (pinpoint and agree on what you’re fighting about).

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Kim C. Murphy, MS

Life Skills Resource Group

Ok, so Tuesday I put some handouts in the lobby about goal setting in the New Year. To my surprise, they were all gone by the next day.

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Kim C. Murphy, MS

Once upon a time in the mid-90’s, when I was taking a break from college and waiting tables at a nightclub in that same college town, a friend suggested that I give Community Theatre a try. Somehow I was able to muster the courage to go to an open audition, and I was cast in a small, small role in Dickens’ A Christmas Carol: I was to play a prostitute. My theatrical debut consisted of me staggering onto the stage, intoxicated. I was to deliver two lines in a terrible “Cockney” accent, while talking off my shoe and throwing it at a “lying scoundrel.”

The scene that my character would disrupt with her antics involved Scrooge and the Ghost of Christmas Present (I believe). Each night (shortly after the ghost began his visit with Scrooge by saying, “Rise, and walk with me…”), I would enter stage left; drunk, disheveled, loud, and unapologetic. I’d curse one fellow and proposition another. The audience would have a good laugh, and then something amazing would happen. The Ghost of Christmas Present, or the GCP, would benevolently lean over and sprinkle ‘magic dust’ on me, and I would instantly become a proper lady (unfortunately, the magic dust wasn’t powerful enough to make me a better actor, but that’s another story).

As I was an extremely minor character, I had plenty of time backstage during rehearsals to talk to the other actors in the production-most of whom were local celebrities of some sort. There was the newly minted attorney, whose office overlooked the town square; the artist in residence, who had painted murals on store fronts from one end of the town to the other; and the kindly Psychology professor, who was also a practicing Psychotherapist with an office down on Main Street. Even the director of the production was the Headmistress of the nice private school on the edge of town.

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Dominique D. Barritt, LMHC

Why did I become a therapist? I feel like there was never anything else I could have ever been. I tried another career path, but it never felt right. Five minutes into my first psychology class, I thought, “Oh, this is what I’m supposed to be doing!” I guess you could say that my therapeutic specialty is split into two parts. I became a therapist with the intent of focusing solely on treating sexual trauma, domestic violence and PTSD (which is where I placed an emphasis during my internship). However, I have unexpectedly developed a second specialty in working with Transgender clients, due to the word-of-mouth support of my clients dealing with this issue.

How do I treat victims of sexual trauma/violence? These survivors often need both practical and emotional assistance. First of all, I teach some basic breathing techniques and grounding to help them to self soothe as they go through the difficult process of recovery. Next, I often go through some Psychoeducational information about how traumatic memories/flashbacks are created and recalled. Helping the survivor learn to advocate for herself/himself as she or he is going through the court system is vital; as frequently, people question their honesty and integrity.

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When I was four years old, my sister and I were invited to my cousin Rachel’s birthday party. The day before the party, my mother took us to Toys “R” Us to pick out a gift. We chose the most beautiful tea set I had ever seen, and as soon as we got it home my mother wrapped it with great care. When the time came at the birthday party for my cousin to open our present, I stood up and started clapping and jumping up and down. One of the other parents at the party said, “Oh no, she doesn’t realize that the gift is for Rachel. She must think that she gets to keep it for herself.” My mother shook her head and said, “No, she understands. That’s just how Kimmie is. She dearly loves that tea set, and she’s just so happy for Rachel to have it.” I’m sure the other adults in the room were skeptical of my mom’s explanation, and fully expected me to have some sort of a meltdown when I didn’t get to go home with the beautiful tea set. However, my mother knew better. I was what she called tenderhearted. Even when I was very young, I was concerned about the feelings of others, and I wanted everyone to be happy and to have their hearts’ desires.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I haven’t led the life of Gandhi or Mother Teresa (not yet anyway). I have wandered in the desert of my discontent, born of selfishness and loss and desperation. I have been unkind and closed minded. I have been misguided and confused, and I have regrets. I know what it’s like to be hurt and lonely, and I understand the depth and breadth of the struggle it requires to become whole again. However, stumbling and fumbling I have found my way back to the path that I started on so long ago. I have grown and changed, and yet (thankfully) I have managed to keep intact the same little soul who always wished the best for everyone, including spiders and worms. Having been there myself, I have the utmost respect for those who are ready to make the changes necessary to transform their lives through counseling.

As a therapist, I get to personally witness the bravest acts of humanity. It is humbling to be given the honor of bearing witness to another human being’s triumphs and struggles, heartbreaks and joys. Helping my clients to rediscover the strength, courage, and wisdom that already exists within them, even in their darkest hours, is what I was meant to do. I am grateful every day for the opportunity to be there in that small space between suffering and healing, championing for the beginnings of change. In the Red Hot Chili Peppers song “Soul to Squeeze (1991)” it says “…when I find my peace of mind, I’m gonna give you some of my good time…” That lyric has always deeply resonated with me. Now, I am in a position to make good on that promise. I get up every morning with the intent of giving away my peace of mind, and, you know, I find it always comes back to me. As my mom used to say, “My cup runneth over.”

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Most of us look forward to getting together for the holidays, despite what is portrayed in Hollywood movies. A chance to reconnect with family members is welcomed and cherished across cultures and around the world. Yes, there are times where things don’t go as well as we may have wished. Tempers may flare and old familiar hurts may be re-experienced, but that’s definitely not what this blog is about.
Maybe it’s just me, but this year seems like it’s been longer than most. There’s been so much bad news in the news lately that it’s almost impossible to watch. The economy’s been pretty dismal as well. Family budgets are getting stretched so tight that people are starting to look at things like Coca Cola and cable television as unnecessary extravagances. For some of us, it’s been a year of loss-loss of a relationship, a job, a home, or even hope. There’s been a lot of grief, sorrow, fear, depression, anxiety and loneliness going around. We’re all overdue for a good home cooked meal, some lively conversation, heartfelt laughter, warm feelings of connection, and football (which promises to be pretty great this year).
Now, granted, in years past we’ve chafed at the idea of “having” to go home for Thanksgiving, rather than genuinely wanting to. After all, we’ve got families and/or responsibilities of our own to consider. It can be a real hassle to board the pets and pack for the kids and make arrangements to be away from the office. Let’s not forget that holiday travel can be a total nightmare.
But this year, something’s different. We need to go home for Thanksgiving. We can’t wait to be surrounded by people who love us. We want to be back in a place where everything seems safe and easy and familiar. We crave the simplicity of family. We’d love to help peel potatoes or wash dishes. We won’t mind taking out the trash or raking leaves. Can we please be the ones to set up the kids’ table and the folding chairs? We know where the fancy tablecloths are kept. We’ll eat every bite of Aunt Bea’s oyster stuffing, no matter how much we disliked it in years past.
In my family we have a special door prize for the one who’s travelled the farthest. Let’s just say that West Virginia is a long way from Orlando, and I’ve won a time or two. This year, I’ll be staying in town and missing my family terribly. Fortunately, a dear friend has invited me to share Thanksgiving with her family. I don’t know what it’ll be like exactly, but I’m sure it will be wonderful. I know for a fact that she’s a huge football fan, so that’s a good sign. Her kitchen is nothing short of a modern marvel, and I have great anticipation for all of the wonderful treats that will come out of it this Thursday. Oh, and did I mention that she really knows how to throw the perfect party?
Anyway, this blog is a shout out to those of you out there who are hosting the family Thanksgiving dinner at your house/apartment/condo/restaurant/church/community center/homeless shelter/nursing home this year. Those of us who are coming to partake of your generosity thank you for all you will do for us. It will be an honor to share Thanksgiving with you and know that we are home. Kim

To read more about: Kim Murphy
To Contact: TherapistKimMurphy@gmail.com
Phone:             321-352-2258

Dating isn’t always great. You don’t really know if the person is being honest, or at least not being totally honest. It can be an awkward and somewhat artificial situation loaded with the potential for disaster…or love. On a first date, you sit there listening to what they’re saying, thinking “please say something so wonderful that I will consider it remotely, remotely possible that I could spend the rest of my life on this earth eating sushi and riding bikes and watching HBO and traveling through Tuscany with you; please.” You wonder if they’re smart enough and funny enough. You hope they’re not secretly rude to bank tellers or a hater of kittens. You want them to be reliable, yet adventurous; sophisticated, but not elitist; loving but not smothering-you know, perfect. You want them to be like you. You ask yourself, “Can I really look into these eyes until my eyes cease to see?” “Is this the face of the man/woman I will love until the day that I die?” “Will this person be able to weather the coming storms of life along with me, as well as rejoice in the pleasures of it?” “Are they good in, well, you know…?”

If you’re meeting for dinner, there’s always a nagging concern that perhaps your date won’t show. You want to get there a few minutes early, just to be safe. You imagine that everyone around you can sense you are on a first date-waiting for that person, and that your vulnerability couldn’t be more obvious if you were wearing a sign that read, “LOVE ME.” If your date is running late, it’s agony. Why won’t that waiter stop asking you if you want a glass of water?! Do you sit and act like you’re calm and carefree, willing yourself with every breath to resist the urge to text your tardy potential soul mate? Or, does your inner dialogue degenerate into something like…”You should never have tried that dating website. It’s too soon. What were you thinking? You’re not ready. They were probably talking to five other people on that website anyway, and they’ve found someone they like better. This is a disaster. I should just leave. Everyone knows I’ve been stood up.” Then, just when all hope is lost, the server shows your date to your table.

You smile hello. This is the crucial moment. When they came walking up to you, did you think “yes,” and breathe a sigh of relief? Are you encouraged because they are well groomed, politely apologetic and compliment you on your smile right away? Or, heaven forbid, do they disregard you and your feelings and immediately launch into an angry rant about traffic and parking difficulties? Are you glad you stayed, or do you secretly wish you had left when you first considered it? Perhaps, you should just relax and go with it. If you’re going to be an active participant in creating the life you want, risks like this are inherent. There’s no point in giving up before you even get started. So…

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