Oct 08 2012
Fear Exists Only in the Mind
Fear is on the inside.
by Dr. Darlene Treese (Dr. Dar)
“Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Archive for the 'Overcome worries and anxiety' Category
Apr 23 2012
Why Ask Why?
Often I have clients ask me why people do things (to them) that are bad; or “Why do bad things happen to good people?” In other words, they want to know why someone has intentionally lied to, cheated on, stolen from, or hurt them in one form or another. With the economic crisis such as it is, this is becoming an increasingly popular inquiry here in Central Florida. I already know what I say, but how would you answer this question?
I decided to consult the all powerful internet, assuming there would be a consensus; which turned out to be more like playing around with a Magic 8 Ball. At answers.yahoo.com, I was told that the top three reasons why people do bad things were as follows: #1. Self-centered selfishness, #2. Original sin, and #3. Criminals assume they’ll get away with it. I found an article at PsychologyToday.com which suggested that “doing bad things” is a result of learned behavior that allows you to “act without thinking,” and it can never be fully unlearned (for example: addiction). On another site I found a really interesting article about the nature of suffering, where they pretty much said that “why” was not for us to know, but I digress…
Anyway, here is a list of things that I like to know before I tackle any “why.” Now, please keep in mind that I don’t always straight out ask this entire list of questions. People just tend to state the answers to most of these queries during the course of therapy.
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Feb 04 2012
Why Counseling? Why now?
- Because even though it’s over, I can’t stop thinking about him/her.
- Because I can’t take this much anxiety for one. more. day.
- Because no one really listens to me.
- Because our marriage is in trouble, and we can’t fix our problems by ourselves.
- Because I can’t do anything right.
- Because I keep dating the “wrong” person and getting my heart broken.
- Because everyone keeps telling me I should, and maybe they’re right.
- Because I keep sabotaging myself, just when things get good.
- Because nothing I’ve tried so far has worked.
- Because he/she asked for a divorce.
- Because the divorce is really starting to affect the kids.
- Because I am afraid that my child/teen is out of control.
- Because I’m tired of feeling alone.
- Because my family is sick of my complaining.
- Because if I don’t, I’m afraid of what I might do.
- Because there’s something I need to get off my chest, something I don’t dare tell anyone else.
- Because the last therapist I saw didn’t “get” me.
- Because I’m so afraid.
- Because I feel empty.
- Because I just want to be happy.
- Because he/she died and left me here.
- Because I drink too much when things get tough.
- Because I can’t ever forgive him/her for what he/she did.
- Because I just need to hear someone say, “I’m here for you, and I care.” And mean it.
Call us to set up an appointment, if you see yourself on this list. Our Mental Health Counselors and Life Coaches at Life Skills Resource Group in Orlando are here for you. We offer free phone consultations and flexible scheduling in a convenient location. 407-355-7378
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Oct 15 2011
OCD and Exposure
You have mostly likely heard the acronym OCD before but do you know what it stands for? OCD stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. We all have obsessions such as worrying bad things will happen and compulsions such as knocking on wood. The O and the C of OCD are a natural part of our lives. It is when these obsessions and compulsions begin to run our lives that it becomes a disorder.
According to Aureen Pinto Wagner, one of the leading OCD experts for children, “obsessions are thoughts or worries that pop into your mind and won’t go away, even when there’s no reason to be worried”. Some common obsessions are worries about germs, getting sick, doing something wrong, hurting others, thinking things have to be just right, and saving things you do not need. Wagner states “compulsions are the rituals you do over and over again to make the obsession go away”. Some examples of rituals are washing, cleaning, apologizing repeatedly, arranging, checking, and starting things over again.
Dealing with OCD can make you feel confused, scared, angry, embarrassed, sad, and hopeless. The good news is that there are effective forms of treatment. According to the International OCD Foundation, one of the most effective forms of therapy is a cognitive behavioral therapy called Exposure-Response Prevention, or “ERP”. The IOCDF states:
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Aug 31 2010
COMING HOME TO YOURSELF
- Karen Walsh, LCI, Life Coach
“This is not who I am. This is not who I want to be. This is not who I was born to become.” Have you ever felt this way, or are you struggling with these emotions right now? If so, you probably think something is wrong with you, or your life. Actually, these honest feeling are healthy, and quite normal. These feelings are nudging you not to sleepwalk through life, but to mindfully examine on how you are spending your time, and how you are using your gifts. These feelings don’t necessarily mean you need a new job, new location to live, or new relationships. What you need is already inside you. Like a sculptor, you need to chip away at the “stuff” that is in the way of your true inner being.
How do you go about “coming home to yourself”, and living the life you were meant to live? The first step is realizing you want more out of the life you have already created. You’ll need time. This is no race, and there are no material prizes for reaching your goal. What you will receive is peace, knowing you are honoring your true self.
Although you can certainly take this wonderful journey on your own, I invite you to join a group of like-minded people to help you on your way. You will need times of solitude, and time to reflect and journal, but coming together once a week to share your discoveries, share your challenges, and celebrate your successes makes the journey a joy, and keeps you from going back to sleepwalking through your life! We will explore finding work, or volunteer opportunities that ignite our passions, ways to move beyond instant gratification and materialism, and how to let go of worry and anxiety to live a calmer, more balanced life.
Please join us at Life Skills Resource Group Orlando starting Thursday, September 23, to explore “Perfectly Yourself. 9 Lessons for Enduring Happiness”, based on the book by Matthew Kelly. This new life coaching series led by Cindy Fabico, MA, LMHC, and Karen Walsh, LCI certified Life Coach, is an 8 week course that will be held on Thursday mornings, 10:30- 12:30, and in the evenings from 7:30-9:30. Click here to go to the groups page for more details and registration information. Don’t wait- it’s your turn to meet wonderful new friends, and find the happiness that comes from being “Perfectly Yourself”!
Karen To read more about Karen’s work at Life Skills Resource Group
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Aug 07 2010
MOVING IS LIKE COUNSELING
I am currently in the middle of a move and as I have been packing I have noticed some of the similarities between packing and counseling. Moving is about closing old doors to make way to open new ones. It is a time to clear out old items in your closet that you no longer need or want. You may clean areas of your home that you have not seen in a while. Moving also affords you the opportunity to donate items to others who may need them more than you. It’s a time to buy new things and create new spaces. For me, it is also a time to reflect on the memories attached to the home and each item as I pack them. I also vision new memories that I will be making in my new home. Like moving counseling offers the opportunity to clean out and make changes to different areas of your life.
Counseling is an opportunity to gain self-awareness and use life’s difficulties to create growth and change. For example, some individuals struggle with low self-esteem and anxiety. People who struggle with anxiety and low self-esteem often struggle with making negative self-statements as well as using absolutes, such as “never”, “always”, “I have to”. A counselor can help you identify these negative self-statements and help you replace them with positive self-statements that resonate with you. Talking to a counselor can help you carefully analyze troublesome situations, gain new perspectives, and explore options previously not considered. Counseling can help you process feelings and heal from past losses. Like moving, counseling helps take an inventory of a person’s life to see what feelings are worth hanging on to and which ones need to be left behind.
I have chosen to move in the middle of August and many people have called me “crazy” for picking the hottest month of the year. My response to them is, “I am ready to start this new chapter of my life and take on the challenge of turning my new house into a home”. Deciding to go see a therapist does not mean that a person is “crazy” or that he or she is weak-willed. Making the choice to see a therapist is courageous and an act of personal empowerment. It shows that a person is willing to better themselves through hard work and dedication to self. What could be “crazy” about that? Counseling, like moving, takes hard work, dedication, planning, and a willingness to accept change. With awareness, a determination to work hard, and a positive outlook, change can happen through counseling.
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May 02 2010
I HAVE A BABY …… NOW WHAT?
Jessica Stage, MSW, Registered Clinical Social Work Intern
It seems like many of my friends are pregnant or new parents. Pregnancy is an exciting time, where you have so many wishes and dreams for your child. You imagine how they will be as adults, and what kind of people they will become. In those moments, you don’t generally imagine arguing with your child about the benefits of not having their underwear on backwards, or telling them that no, cake is not an acceptable dinner entrée. You also may imagine that you will be the “perfect parent”. A parent that doesn’t raise their voice, that uses reason and understanding that the child will respond to and obey unconditionally. You won’t use a pacifier, the baby will sleep through the night, and everything will remain exactly the same as it was before you had children.
I think that those of us who are parents can remember how idealistic we were! It is an EYE OPENER when you have that tiny baby home from the hospital, and the baby thinks that day is night and night is day, and you haven’t slept for more than three hours in a row in several weeks! You may feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of another life being on you and your partner’s shoulders. You may miss the person you used to be before you were “mom”, and look enviously upon your friends who do not have children and the freedom that they have.
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